Tractates on the Gospel of John 123.1–123.5

The Gospel of the blessed apostle John ends with the Lord's manifesting himself to his disciples for the third time after the resurrection. We have already treated, as well as we could, the earlier part of it, up to the place where it is told that a hundred and fifty-three fish were caught by the disciples to whom he showed himself, and that, though they were large, the nets were not broken. Next, what follows must be considered and, as far as the Lord helps us, discussed as the matter seems to require. For when that fishing was finished, "Jesus said to them, Come and have breakfast. And none of those reclining dared ask him, Who are you? knowing that it was the Lord." If, then, they knew, what need was there for them to ask? And if there was no need, why is it said "they did not dare", as though there were need, but they did not dare from some fear? The sense, then, is this: so great was the evidence of the truth with which Jesus appeared to those disciples that none of them dared not only to deny it but even to doubt it; since if anyone doubted, he would certainly have had to ask. So "No one dared ask him, Who are you?" was said as if it were said, "No one dared to doubt that it was he."

"And Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them, and the fish likewise." See, it is also told what they had for breakfast; and about this breakfast we too shall say something sweet and wholesome, if he feeds us too. It was told above that these disciples, when they got out on land, saw a charcoal fire laid, and fish laid on it, and bread. There it is not to be understood that the bread too was laid on the coals, but only "they saw" is to be supplied. If we repeat this verb in the place where it is to be supplied, the whole can be put thus: "They saw a charcoal fire laid, and fish laid on it, and they saw bread." Or rather thus: "They saw a charcoal fire laid, and fish laid on it; they saw bread too." At the Lord's command they also brought some of the fish that they themselves had caught; and although the narrator did not state that they did it, he did not keep silent that the Lord ordered it. For he says, "Bring some of the fish that you have now caught." And who would believe that they did not do it when he commanded? From this, then, the Lord made a breakfast for those seven disciples of his: from the fish, namely, which they had seen laid on the coals, adding to it some of those they had caught, and from the bread which they likewise are said to have seen. The roasted fish is Christ who suffered. He is also the bread that came down from heaven. To him the Church is incorporated, to share in everlasting blessedness. That is why it was said, "Bring some of the fish that you have now caught", so that all of us who carry this hope might know that through that sevenfold number of disciples, by which our whole company can be understood as figured in this place, we share in so great a sacrament and are made partners in the same blessedness. This is the Lord's breakfast with his disciples, with which John concludes his Gospel, though he had many other things to say about Christ, and, I think, great things, in contemplation of great realities. For here the Church as it will be, made up of the good alone, is signified by the catch of a hundred and fifty-three fish; and to those who believe, hope, and love these things, the sharing in so great a blessedness is shown through this breakfast.

"This was now the third time," he says, "that Jesus was manifested to his disciples after he had risen from the dead." We ought to refer this not to the appearances themselves but to the days: that is, on the first day, when he rose; and after eight days, when the disciple Thomas saw and believed; and on this day, when he did this with the fish (but after how many days he did it is not said). For on that first day he was seen more than once, as the testimonies of all the evangelists, when compared, show. But, as has been said, his manifestations are to be counted by days, so that this is the third: for the first is to be reckoned, and reckoned as one because of the one day, however often and to whomever he showed himself on the day on which he rose; the second after eight days; and this the third; and afterwards as often as he willed, up to the fortieth day, on which he ascended into heaven, although not all are written.

"So when they had had breakfast, he said to Simon Peter, Simon son of John, do you love me more than these? He said to him, Yes, Lord, you know that I love you. He said to him, Feed my lambs. He said to him again, Simon son of John, do you love me? He said to him, Yes, Lord, you know that I love you. He said to him, Feed my lambs. He said to him the third time, Simon son of John, do you love me? Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, Do you love me? And he said to him, Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you. He said to him, Feed my sheep. Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to gird yourself and walk where you wished; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and lead you where you do not wish. Now he said this to signify by what death he was to glorify God." This was the end that the denier and lover found: lifted up by presuming, laid low by denying, cleansed by weeping, proved by confessing, crowned by suffering. This end he found: to die with perfected love for the name of him with whom, in perverse haste, he had promised to die. Strengthened by his resurrection, let him do what in his weakness he promised before the time. For it had to be thus: first Christ should die for Peter's salvation, then Peter for the preaching of Christ. What human rashness had begun to dare was out of order, when the Truth had arranged this order. Peter thought he would lay down his life for Christ, the one to be set free for the liberator; whereas Christ had come to lay down his life for all his own, among whom was Peter too; and see, this has now been done. Now let firmness of heart to undergo death for the name of the Lord be taken up, true, by his gift, not presumed, false, by our error. Now is the time for us not to fear the end of this life, because by the Lord's rising the example of the other life has gone before. Now is the time, Peter, for you not to fear death, because he lives whom you mourned as dead, and whom, out of carnal love, you tried to keep from dying for us. You dared to go ahead of your leader; you feared his persecutor. Now that the price has been paid for you, now is the time for you to follow the one who bought you, and to follow him all the way, even to the death of the cross. You have heard the words of him whom you have now proved truthful: he who had foretold that you would deny him has himself foretold that you will suffer.

But first the Lord asks what he knew, and not once but a second and a third time, whether Peter loves him; and so many times he hears nothing else from Peter than that he is loved; and so many times he commends nothing else to Peter than that his sheep be fed. A threefold confession is given back for the threefold denial, so that the tongue might not serve love less than it served fear, and imminent death might not seem to have drawn more from his voice than present life did. Let it be the office of love to feed the Lord's flock, if it was the mark of fear to deny the shepherd. Those who feed Christ's sheep with the intention of wanting them to be their own and not Christ's are convicted of loving themselves, not Christ, from the desire of glory or of domination or of gain, not from the love of obeying and helping and pleasing God. Against these, then, keeps watch this word of Christ, pressed home so many times: those whom the apostle laments as seeking their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. For what else is "Do you love me? Feed my sheep" than if it were said, "If you love me, do not think of feeding yourself, but feed my sheep as mine, not as yours; seek my glory in them, not yours; my dominion, not yours; my gain, not yours; lest you be in the company of those who belong to the perilous times, lovers of themselves, and the rest that is joined to this beginning of evils"? For when the apostle had said, "For men will be lovers of themselves", he went on to add, "lovers of money, conceited, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, wicked, irreligious, without affection, slanderers, without self-control, savage, without kindness, traitors, reckless, blinded, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness but denying its power." All these evils flow, as from a fountain, from the one he put first, "lovers of themselves". Rightly, then, it is said to Peter, "Do you love me?", and he answers, "I love you", and he is told, "Feed my lambs"; and this a second time, and this a third. Here it is also shown that love (amor) and love (dilectio) are one and the same; for the Lord too, the last time, did not say "Diligis me?" but "Amas me?" So let us love not ourselves but him; and in feeding his sheep let us seek the things that are his, not the things that are ours. For in some inexplicable way, whoever loves himself and not God does not love himself; and whoever loves God and not himself does love himself. For one who cannot live from himself certainly dies by loving himself; so he does not love himself who loves himself so as not to live. But when he is loved from whom one lives, one loves oneself the more by not loving oneself, not loving oneself precisely in order to love him from whom one lives. Let those, then, who feed Christ's sheep not be lovers of themselves, so that they feed them not as their own but as his; and not wish to acquire their own gains from them, as lovers of money; or to dominate them, as the conceited; or to glory in the honours they receive from them, as the proud; or to go so far as even to make heresies, as blasphemers; and let them not refuse to yield to the holy fathers, as those disobedient to parents; nor return evil for good to those who wish to correct them because they do not want them to perish, as the ungrateful; nor kill souls, both their own and others', as the wicked; nor tear apart the motherly womb of the Church, as the irreligious; nor fail to have compassion on the weak, as those without affection; nor try to stain the reputation of the saints, as slanderers; nor fail to restrain their worst desires, as those without self-control; nor carry on lawsuits, as the savage; nor be ignorant of how to help, as those without kindness; nor reveal to the enemies of the godly what they know should be kept hidden, as traitors; nor disturb human modesty with shameless harassment, as the reckless; nor fail to understand either what they say or what they affirm, as the blinded; nor put carnal pleasures before spiritual joys, as lovers of pleasure rather than of God. For these and suchlike vices, whether they all happen to one man, or some rule over some men and others over others, spring in a way from that root, when men are lovers of themselves. This vice must be guarded against above all by those who feed Christ's sheep, lest they seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ, and turn to the uses of their own desires those for whom the blood of Christ was shed. Love for him, in one who feeds his sheep, ought to grow into so great a spiritual ardour that it overcomes even the natural fear of death, by which we do not want to die even when we want to live with Christ. For the apostle Paul too says that he has the desire to depart and be with Christ; yet he groans, being burdened, and does not wish to be unclothed but to be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. And to this lover of his the Lord said, "When you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and lead you where you do not wish." For he said this to him to signify by what death he was to glorify God. "You will stretch out your hands," he says, that is, you will be crucified. But to come to this, "another will gird you and lead you", not where you wish but where you do not wish. First he said what would happen, and then how it would happen. For it was not when crucified, but when about to be crucified, that he was led where he did not wish; for once crucified he went not where he did not wish but rather where he wished. For, released from the body, he wished to be with Christ; but, if it could be, he desired eternal life without the distress of death. To that distress he was led unwilling, but from it he was led out willing; unwilling he came to it, but willing he overcame it; and he left behind this feeling of weakness by which no one wants to die, a feeling so natural that not even old age could take it from blessed Peter, to whom it was said, "When you are old, you will be led where you do not wish." For our comfort the Saviour himself transfigured this too into himself, saying, "Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me"; he who certainly had come to die, and had not the necessity of death but the will, being about to lay down his life by his power and to take it up again by his power. But however great the distress of death, the force of love ought to overcome it, the love with which he is loved who, though he is our life, willed even to endure death for us. For if there were no distress in death, or little, the glory of the martyrs would not be so great. But if the good shepherd, who laid down his life for his sheep, made so many martyrs for himself out of those very sheep, how much more ought those to strive for the truth even to death, and against sin even to blood, to whom he entrusts those sheep to be fed, that is, to be taught and ruled? And so, with the example of his passion going before, who does not see that shepherds ought to cling the more to the shepherd by imitating him, when many sheep too have imitated him, under whom, the one shepherd in one flock, the shepherds themselves too are sheep? For he made all those his sheep for all of whom he suffered; since he himself too, in order to suffer for all, became a sheep.